


His Choice

by xHookedonKillianx



Series: Choices [1]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-21
Updated: 2016-03-21
Packaged: 2018-05-28 05:36:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6316717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xHookedonKillianx/pseuds/xHookedonKillianx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He feels like he’s being torn into two. On one hand, he has his brother, his Liam who died many years before, on the other was Emma. The love of his life, his one true love and he was being forced to choose between them. Move on, and be happy with Liam, or stay and be happy with Emma.</p>
            </blockquote>





	His Choice

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t know why I did this. It’s like I wan’t to punish myself or make myself sad. But this popped into my mind after seeing tonight’s promo and it wouldn’t go away. It’s… sad. Like I’m giving myself a dirty look for writing it, but it’s also kind of beautiful.
> 
> This takes place the same night Killian says “Why bring me back if I should just move on?”
> 
> Spoiler's for 5x15

“Why bring me back, if I should just move on?”

Emma looks at him with such hurt in her eyes that if he wasn’t already dead, he was sure it would have killed him. A single tear runs down her face, but when he goes to reach for her, she backs away.

Killian stays frozen in his spot as she walks past him without a single word and it feels like she is taking a part of him with her.

“Little brother,” Liam starts but Killian holds up his hand to stop him.

He feels like he’s being torn into two. On one hand, he has his brother, his Liam who died many years before, on the other was Emma. The love of his life, his one true love and he was being forced to choose between them. Move on, and be happy with Liam, or stay and be happy with Emma.

He could feel the tears prickling at his eyes and his body start to shake. The entire time Hades had him, all he thought of was Emma, and here he was considering leaving her again.

“We should rest, Killian. Tomorrow is another day,” Liam finally whispers.

He has no idea how long they have been standing there since Emma left, but he can’t find it in him to care.

Killian says nothing and lets his brother lead him back into the house. His and Emma’s house. He can feel everyone’s eyes on him as he walks in, but he says nothing.

“Everyone should get some sleep,” Dave calls out to the room. “I’ll take first watch.”

Killian lifts his head. Emma is nowhere to be found, and even if she didn’t want to speak to him in that moment, he refuses to sleep if she was outside wondering the Underworld by herself.

“She’s upstairs,” Henry’s soft voice spoke.

He turned to see the young lad standing next to him.

“She said she was going to try and get some sleep.”

“Sleep?” Liam snorted.

Henry’s eyes turn hard toward the older man. “Yes, sleep. My mom hasn’t slept in months; I think she deserves a little bit of rest.”

Liam’s face goes soft and he gives Henry a little nod before he moves into the living room. Killian watches how they all eye his brother, but offer him things because that’s who they are.

They are good people.

Henry turns and Killian stops him.

“Lad, what you said… what do you mean months?”

“She told me on the way here that she hasn’t slept since before Camelot.”

Killian’s heart drops and he has to stop himself from stumbling back.

“I guess when you’re the Dark One you don’t need much sleep.”

Henry walks back into the living room without any explanation. Killian looks at the stairs and he finds himself faced with another choice.

He could turn and go into the living room with his brother, or he could go sit watch outside of Emma’s room to make sure she got the sleep she so desperately needs.

This was a new hell cooked up just for him. Maybe the torment Hades had given him wasn’t so bad. Liam appears back at his side and puts his hand on his little brother’s shoulder.

“Go to her, little brother,” he says softly.

Killian looks up at him in surprise.

“This will be your last night together. Say goodbye.”

His jaw clenches at his brother’s words. They sound so final and Killian hasn’t even really made his mind up yet. Liam gives him a pat on the shoulder and walks back to the living room.

His feet start moving and before he even realizes it, he’s outside of her… their bedroom door. Even though there are multiple doors in the hall, he just knows she’s behind that one. He can feel her.

Killian lifts his hand for the door knob but freezes. Henry said she hadn’t slept since Camelot and that was months ago. He wants to be with her, but the need to have her well and rested outweighed his own selfish wants.

He turned his head and put his ear to the door, but no sounds could be heard. She had to have been sleeping.

When he turns to walk back down the steps, he stops when he sees Regina.

“You’re not going to spend your last night with her?”

He licks his lips. “I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

Regina takes a step toward him.

“Killian,” he looks up in surprise because he can’t remember if Regina had ever called him by his actual name before. “Whatever you decide to do, you are being given something here that not many people are given. A chance at saying goodbye, and coming from someone who was given that chance, don’t throw it away. It’ll help… in the long run of things.”

Tears prickle his eyes again and he has to swallow back a sob. The thought of saying goodbye to Emma nearly collapsing him.

“And if I choose to stay with Emma? Shouldn’t I be down there with my brother right now?”

“Your brother is the one that told you to come up here. Remember that,” she says softly.

When he stays silent, Regina sighs.

“Don’t let her lay in the room all night crying by herself.”

Killian’s eyes snap up. They move to the door then back to Regina.

“There’s no sound… she’s sleeping…”

Her face goes hard and she looks like the Regina he knew. “Has being in the Underworld clogged your brain?”

Regina lifts her hand and waves it toward the bedroom. A little window appears. Killian takes a step toward it. Regina has to catch him before he crumbles to the ground at what he sees.

Though no sound can be heard, the sobs that rake through Emma’s body as she lays on the bed can be seen visibly. Her back is to the door and she has her body curled up into a ball.

“It’s a cloaking spell,” Regina explains. “She’s cloaked the room so no one outside of it can hear what’s going on.”

His right arm reaches out to grip the door frame while Regina helps him stand straight.

“Can I go in?”

Regina nods. “If she locked it, I wouldn’t have been able to pear inside.”

Before she’s even done speaking, Killian’s hand is on the door knob. It’s not until he’s fully in the room and the door is closed that he can hear her sobs and it wrecks him. Emma is on the bed wailing and he knows the only other time he heard her cry like that was as his life slipped away.

He stumbles over to the bed. Emma’s cries are so loud; she doesn’t even hear him. It’s not until he’s pulling her into his arms that he realizes he’s crying too.

“Shh,” he whispers into her ear, but it doesn’t help.

He half expects her to fight him, but Emma clings to him as if he’s going to vanish any second and his heart breaks. Never in all the time that he’s known her has he ever seen her so broken and it was because of him.

Killian kisses her forehead and rocks her in his arms. He wants to tell her it’s going to be alright, that everything was going to be fine, but he couldn’t. He knew words didn’t matter, so he just held her as they both sobbed.

Her sobs never stop and when he feels her try to move, he starts to panic.

“Emma…’

He’s cut off when her lips find his. Her hands reach up to cup his face and Killian reaches up to run his finger through her hair.

Her lips feel so soft and he can’t tell if the wetness he feels is from her tears or his, but it didn’t matter. In that moment, they were together.

With her lips still on his, Emma lifts herself up to straddle him. He wraps his left around her waist and pulls her closer to him.

He doesn’t know who moves first, him or her, but they start to pull at each other’s clothes. Her jacket is on the floor, followed by his. Next is his brace and her shoes. As she pulls her shirt above her head, Killian kicks off his boots and unbuckles his belt.

She claws at his shirt while he unhooks her bra. They fumble as they both remove their pants and when they are both bare, Emma sinks herself down onto him.

A loud moan escapes both of them. They haven’t been connected since Camelot and they were long over due.

Emma starts to slowly move as his hand and blunt wrist hold onto her hips. He kisses his way down her jaw and when she lifts herself up, he rests his forehead against her collarbone.

“Fuck, Emma,” he moans.

His right hand runs up her spine and he pokes his tongue out to taste her skin. He nips and kisses his way down until he latches his mouth onto her right nipple.

“Killian,” she breathes and his wrist pushes against her tighter.

Her hands run up his arms, over his neck and into his hair. He feels them tighten before she pulls his face back up to hers. Emma kisses his forehead, then his left eyebrow, then his left eye.

Killian sobs out a moan as her lips cover each area that was broken by Hades. She had, of course, healed him with her magic, but this time she was healing him with her lips.

When she finally makes her way down to his mouth, he devours her. Their teeth rubbed together as they fight to feel more of each other.

“I love you,” she gasps against his lips.

Killian reaches up and takes a firm hold on the back of her neck to force her to look into his eyes.

“I love you, too.”

A tear runs down her face and Killian kisses it away. The room is filled with their pants and moans as she moves on top of him. His hand stays in her hair while his left arm wraps around her to pull her to him. Her breasts smash against his chest and he can feel her heart. The same heart she was so willing to split to share with him.

Emma throws her head back and the tips of her hair tickle his thighs as she explodes around him. It takes everything in him not to finish with her, but he forces himself not to. He doesn’t want this to end.

If this ends, that means they have to face reality. He still has a choice to make and right now all he wants is to feel her. When she slumps against him, he flips them over so that he is on top. Emma let outs a gasp of surprise before she moans as he starts to rock into her.

Her legs wrap around his waist and her fingers grip his biceps. Every time he pumps, her hips lift to match. There is no set pace, he starts slow, speeds up, then goes slow again.

This isn’t like any other time before and they both could feel it. This is about showing their love for each other in the most intimate way.

Killian holds himself up with his left arm while he reaches down with his right hand to move her legs higher.

The new angle causes Emma to whimper as he grounds his hips against hers.

“You feel…” she gasps out.

“Like home,” he whispers back.

She grabs his face and pulls it down to her own. Their lips brush against each other’s but they don’t kiss. Emma runs her hands down his chest until they reach his hips. He feels her put pressure and he starts to move a little faster.

He tries to hold himself off for longer, but she feels too good and it’s been too long. He trails his hand up her leg and thigh until he reaches the apex in between her legs.

Emma’s eyes shoot open and she lets out a loud moan when he rubs her tight nub.

“Killian!” she cries out before he feels her tighten around him.

“Oh, Emma!” he groans as he empties himself into her.

His body collapses on top of her and they both just lay there. Her heart pounds against his ear and her thighs tremble against his waist.

But there is something different and he notices it right away.

Her hands are not touching him, usually when they are done, Emma has her fingers his hair. Her thighs are the only thing he can feel on his waist, she keeps herself wrapped around him until they both decide to move, and the worst, her face is turned to the side when she usually would have kissed the top of his head.

Killian lifts himself to look at her, but she refuses to meet his gaze. What he sees on her face breaks his heart.

“Don’t do this, Emma.”

She bites her lip and he can tell she’s trying to hold back from crying.

“I think you should sleep downstairs,” she whispers and he chokes out a sob.

“Emma…”

“It’s for the best.”

A tear runs down his face. “I love you.”

Her eyes snap back to his before she sits up so suddenly, he almost falls back if she hadn’t grabbed his face.

“I love you, too,” she sobs before she kisses him again.

But he could still tell it was different. When they pull apart he rests his forehead against hers and shakes his head.

“Don’t punish me,” he pleads.

She lets out another sob and runs her hands over his face, stopping to caress his scar with her thumb.

“I’m not trying to punish you, Killian. I just… I can’t… have you here with me…” her words get caught in her throat.

Fresh tears run down her face and he puts his hands on her jaw.

“I can’t have your arms around me…” she whispers.

“I need you in my arms,” he sobs.

Emma lets out another sob. “I can make you leave, you know this.”

Killian shakes his head frantically. “Please, don’t… Emma, please.”

They both sit there crying as their foreheads touch.

“Get dressed, Killian,” she whispers.

His panic starts to rise again and he shakes his head. Emma squeezes her eyes shut and the next thing he knows, he standing next to the bed with his clothes back on. He sobs when he sees that she moved him, but didn’t move him from the room. Emma, also fully clothed, has her back to him again and her body back in the ball.

“Emma,” he sobs.

Killian tries to pull her into his arms again but she doesn’t let him.

“Please, Killian,” she cries. “If you hold me, I won’t be able to let you go.”

He falls to his knees as sobs tare through his body. She wants to let him go. The thought alone scares him to his core.

“Don’t make me leave this room, Emma. Please, I need you.”

She sobs and he sees her body curl tighter into itself. All he wants to do is hold her, but he’s terrified if he tries again, she’ll make him leave.

“I love you so much, Emma,” he sobs. “I don’t know what to do. Tell me what to do.”

He sees her body move as she shakes her head. “I can’t tell you what to do, Killian. This is your decision.”

Killian reaches up and grips his hair. “He’s my brother.”

“I know,” she whispers. “He’s your family.”

“You’re my family,” he whispers back.

“Yes.”

They stay silent for a while. The only sounds are their sobs. His arms ache to hold her, and every sob is like a knife in his heart.

“Please let me hold you,” he begs as her sobs get worse.

She shakes her head and he wails.

“Can I touch you?”

He sees her body tense and but she doesn’t say no. He lets out a breath as he moves forward and rests his forehead against her back.

They both sob at the contact. It was light, but they could feel the energy from it.

His right hand moves up and fresh tears run when she laces her fingers through his own.

“I love you.” Her voice sounds so final.

Killian squeezes his eyes shut. Tears drip down onto the sheets. The last time she sounded like that was before she had to kill him

They stay that way the whole night. Killian, on his knees next to the bed with his forehead against her back. Their hands together and her body still curled up. Neither one of them sleep or move. Their sobs grew softer as the hours went on, but never went away.

It’s not until the sun starts to shine through the windows that Killian speaks.

“Tell me what to do, Emma,” he begs again.

She is silent for a long time before he finally hears her whisper, “Be happy.”


End file.
